I've always been one of great hope. For I feel my purpose of design is to change and heal the world. (not alone of course!) But on March 5th 2009, my life was ever changed and that vision was stripped from me in a most horrifying manner... My grandfather was killed by a bullet that wasn't even intended for him. On that night, I lost all hope for mankind. I couldn't understand why a man with such a radiant spirit should have to surrender his life due to such a putrefying act of hatred. I became angry. I became bitter. But more than anything, I became fearful. Not afraid of the danger of violence, but afraid of the direction the world is heading. What did this mean for my babes? I wanted more than anything to take them into a fairytale from one of Zaria's books and leave them there where there's always a 'happily ever after' ending.
Though it was hard to see, I learned many things from my pain, like how to love more deeply and the importance of balance and forgiveness. I'm still not completely at peace, but I am able to look at the situation and be thankful for the experience knowing that everything happens for the greater good and my grandfather is right here with me encouraging me to continue his legacy of kindness and servitude to the world. Grandaddy, thankyou for your wonderful existance.
Secondly, I want to pay tribute to my family. In life there's so much we often take for granted, but that's a mistake I'll never make again. I cherish my family more deeply than words could ever express. Momma, Pops, Granny....I wish that there was a way I could place my love in a box, wrap it up and place it in your hands for you to see, but there's soooo much, it simply won't fit! Thankyou for being such skeletal contributors to my growth.
Next I want to thank the Great Creator for placing my husband on my path. It's strange how things play out in intricate plots. I knew from the moment I first saw him (even from the back of his head!) he'd be the one I'd marry. And I do mean this LITERALLY, not in the cliche manner. The Universe knew I'd need guidance and so they sent him to help me learn more about myself than I ever could've learned walking this journey alone. I'm truly greatful for every moment we share. XOXOXO
Zaria', my Warrior. I never imagined loving another being so much until I held her in my arms. She has been my saving grace this past year by making me keep a smile on my face even when I didn't feel like it. No matter how bad things got, she was always there to take care of her momma with lots of hugs and kisses. I've never met a more nurturing three year old. I am honored that you chose me to be your mommy.
Zoe, my little enlightened being. Carrying you in my womb was the most purging and spiritual experience I've encountered. I felt like you were my guiding light, preparing me for things yet to come. Although you're only three months, I know that you possess ancient wisdoms and I can't wait for you to share them with me.
And so, as I pay tribute to those Divine forces in my life, the saga continues and I learn a little more each day.....