and the saga continues...

April 20th marked the completion of my 23rd journey around the sun. In this past year, I have tumbled through pain, suffered great loss, gained understanding, and as a result have grown into an entirely different being. I just want to pay tribute to my journey and those who have helped me thus far. I want to begin with one of the most beautiful beings that I ever had the pleasure of knowing...My Grandfather.

I've always been one of great hope. For I feel my purpose of design is to change and heal the world. (not alone of course!) But on March 5th 2009, my life was ever changed and that vision was stripped from me in a most horrifying manner... My grandfather was killed by a bullet that wasn't even intended for him. On that night, I lost all hope for mankind. I couldn't understand why a man with such a radiant spirit should have to surrender his life due to such a putrefying act of hatred. I became angry. I became bitter. But more than anything, I became fearful. Not afraid of the danger of violence, but afraid of the direction the world is heading. What did this mean for my babes? I wanted more than anything to take them into a fairytale from one of Zaria's books and leave them there where there's always a 'happily ever after' ending.


Though it was hard to see, I learned many things from my pain, like how to love more deeply and the importance of balance and forgiveness. I'm still not completely at peace, but I am able to look at the situation and be thankful for the experience knowing that everything happens for the greater good and my grandfather is right here with me encouraging me to continue his legacy of kindness and servitude to the world. Grandaddy, thankyou for your wonderful existance.

Secondly, I want to pay tribute to my family. In life there's so much we often take for granted, but that's a mistake I'll never make again. I cherish my family more deeply than words could ever express. Momma, Pops, Granny....I wish that there was a way I could place my love in a box, wrap it up and place it in your hands for you to see, but there's soooo much, it simply won't fit! Thankyou for being such skeletal contributors to my growth.

Next I want to thank the Great Creator for placing my husband on my path. It's strange how things play out in intricate plots. I knew from the moment I first saw him (even from the back of his head!) he'd be the one I'd marry. And I do mean this LITERALLY, not in the cliche manner. The Universe knew I'd need guidance and so they sent him to help me learn more about myself than I ever could've learned walking this journey alone. I'm truly greatful for every moment we share. XOXOXO

Zaria', my Warrior. I never imagined loving another being so much until I held her in my arms. She has been my saving grace this past year by making me keep a smile on my face even when I didn't feel like it. No matter how bad things got, she was always there to take care of her momma with lots of hugs and kisses. I've never met a more nurturing three year old. I am honored that you chose me to be your mommy.

Zoe, my little enlightened being. Carrying you in my womb was the most purging and spiritual experience I've encountered. I felt like you were my guiding light, preparing me for things yet to come. Although you're only three months, I know that you possess ancient wisdoms and I can't wait for you to share them with me.

And so, as I pay tribute to those Divine forces in my life, the saga continues and I learn a little more each day.....

Gratitude....

Motherhood is the most rewarding thing in the world, and the fact that my babes chose me to be their nurturer. The smallest things give me clarity as to what gratitude really is. Like the way my infant looks up at me with those wise eyes as I nurse her. Or the way my three year old snuggles up against my face so she can feel my breath against her cheek while she's sleeping. We share these moments in silence in our own little cirle of love, and I am eternally grateful for the experience.

Fulfillment...

This morning I was reading an interview in 'Get Fresh' magazine with Storm and Jinjee Talifero (raw food 'gurus') about the raw food eco village they're creating in Ojai, Ca (Utopia at its finest!) and something that Storm said really jumped out at me.

"There are a lot of people doing jobs they hate, so they can buy a lot things they don't need, so they can impress people they don't really like"

Sound like someone you know??? I'm pretty sure it does, as it holds true for the average American. How great would it be to wake up everyday and instead of dreading the tasks that were set before you, you were overwhelmed with gratitude for life and the ability to do what you love? So what are you waiting for?

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the Universe will be simpler."

-Henry David Thoreau

Check out Storm and Jinjee's website to learn more of their beautiful family and lifestyle.

http://www.thegardendiet.com/

Found...

Okay so its been a really long time since I last blogged and I swore upon the stars that I would write more often, but life got crazy in between. The very night of my last blog, Zoe Indira Finnikin made her graceful (well certainly NOT graceful, but powerful nonetheless!) entrance into the world! She is such a wonderful spirit. She emits this certain slant of light that captivates everything around her. For an entire month, she had to stay in the NICU at the University hospital and that luminous glow never left her.
I think I mentioned before that Zoe was a Crystal/Rainbow child didn't I? Funny thing....while she was in the hospital, she had a nurse named Crystal. Coincidence??? Well if this lady wasn't so awesome, I would think so myself. Sometimes we meet people in our lifetime and know without a doubt that they were sent to us by some Divine power. Its strange how the Universe knows exactly what we need and when to give it to us. I feel as if the Universe sent her to me as a means of finding and exercising purpose in my life. I have a natural need to give and heal (my purpose) and all I need in return is a receptive soul. (something I never paid attention to until I met her.) I'm so glad she danced my way.

Just Some Thoughts:

• When we start to allow society to say who we are (or what we should be), we become estranged to ourselves. It seems that once we are connected to our centers, we are labeled as strange or weird, and in our own defense, we become what everyone else says we should, and begin ignoring and overlooking the obvious truths of our own being.
• Betrayal of oneself in order not to betray another is betrayal nonetheless. Its the worst betrayal of all. (didn't write this, but I use as a motto for life!)
• The path of least resistance only leads you back to your starting point.

Nirvana...

WOW! I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted. What a shame!!! Well, quick update....
I'm eight months prego with a Crystal/Rainbow child whom I can't wait to meet. I really don't have much longer seeing as they're taking her on the 27th which is this coming Tuesday (5 days away!). My three year old lightworker Zaria is stoked!!! She can't wait to see her little sister, Zoe. They've already met apparently, at least that's what Zaria says. It's soooo cute you should see her spending 'quality time' with my BIG tummy. She'll sing songs and talk to my tummy as if the baby is actually responding. A few days ago Zaria was talking to my belly and burst out into roaring laughter, then looks up at me and says, "mommy, sissy's so silly!" It's the little things like that that makes motherhood soooo rewarding.
On a different note, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I should do with my life. It's the strangest thing knowing what you're supposed to do, but not knowing exactly how to pursue it. I think after I have the baby, I'll start my reiki training. I can't help but think that's a good place to start. I found a website while trying to find a reiki master/teacher in my area and I found the perfect place for my training. I also found a link to an Interfaith Minister. Did anyone know that they existed???? How awesome is that! A person whose life work is to bring oneness into the world without the discrimination of religion. I think I've just found a little piece of Nirvana!

R.I.P. Sweet Cheeks

Stacia, I know you're right beside me. I could feel your presence when I asked you to come back to me. So instead of risking looking like a mad woman and talking aloud, I'll let you know right here. I'm sorry for all the times I was too busy for you. I'm sorry that I pushed you to the side when you needed me. I know you've already forgiven me because that's the way you were....a little person with a big heart. I'm sure we'll cross paths again maybe in another lifetime, or you can wait for me pass the yellow pastures under that ancient purple willow tree and we'll catch up on lost time. I love you sweet cheeks and you are greatly missed.

Sprits for Sale???

I was on eBay awhile ago looking for jewelry when I came across a ring with a ruby on it. The auction was almost over so I went to the sellers page to see if I could find anything else. You won't believe what I found......SPIRITS!!!!! They SELL spirits!!!! Can you believe that? They supposedly 'summon' the spirits and bind them to pieces of jewelry or stones to 'serve' you. I'm not saying that I believe it, but the whole concept is completely disturbing!!!! What gives them the authority to choose the destiny of something as sacred as one's soul? They even sell creatures such as djinn (genies) and fey (fairy folk). Oh yeah and the funniest thing about it is that they have nymph spirits to 'fulfill your sexual desires'. Don't believe me?

http://www.creepyhollows.com/